The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. We have also learned of situations where a man is forced by his family to take a second wife because his parents disapprove of his first wife for any number of reasons (they didn't choose her, his mother no longer likes her, she's not the right nationality, ethnicity, skin tone, caste, race etc). Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. Data collection was not collected scientific way because of qualitative study and the findings cannot be generalized beyond the women in this study [24,25]. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didnt quite open, he is nevertheless willing to do it again and at an even greater risk-- everyone knows second marriages are risky. But Thembi* (the second wife) shocked our husband and decided to stay in the main house with Thamsanqa. They each have their separate rooms, and their husband alternates time spent between them equally. Jankowiak W, Sudakov M, Wilreker BC. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. She told that She was like a witch, spoiled my whole family. When people. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." Naturally, I instantly felt like I wasnt woman enough for him, Lillian says. Confidentiality of the data was ensured to all the participants. Archives of Women's Mental Health. You feel stuck and feel as if you do not belong where you are. Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. Gabe and I won't have that. Finding the right path for their family also provides an opportunity for bonding. The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. 2014. Both verbal and written consent was obtained. 2010;57(1): 121-127. Holloway ID, Ansari D. Mapping numerical magnitudes onto symbols: The numerical distance effect and individual differences in childrens mathematics achievement. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. 2006;52(1); 5-17. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. One of the hardest aspects of being a second wife is having to deal with the emotional baggage of the failed marriage. While in many cites it has been claimed that if a man is unable to maintain justice and equality to treat all the wives then the above verse is interpreted as in favour of monogamy [2]. A sample of 11 polygamous women was included through snowball sampling from the different cities of the province of Punjab, Pakistan with an age range of 18-50 years. While in past empirical tests showed that children are strategic complements. She was living with her husband first 10 years of her marriage. Though she faced a lot of criticism from the first wife. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. One of the misconceptions about being someone's second wife is that you'll have no choice but to have a low-key courthouse wedding with minimal fanfare, and that the ghosts of weddings past will linger. As she said 'I am unable to fulfill the needs or desires of my husband, so I allowed him for 2nd marriage. This is by far the most common (and the most frequently legal) form of polygamy. Barber N. Explaining cross-national differences in polygyny intensity: Resource-defense, sex ratio, and infectious diseases. If that doesnt work then they go to the husband and present their cases, and the husbands role is to restore peace. Children can complicate matters further as each mother might feel the maternal pull to protect her own offspring more than the children of the other wives. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? 6. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality. 2002; 32(1-2): 58-66. Family Process. Its not like I wasnt married before, too. In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. For 14 free days, you can have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. Carol Lynn Pearson's new book argues that many, if not most, Mormon women feel pain and fear at the prospect of sharing their husbands with at . She said being Muslim I should follow and admit the true teachings of Islam." How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. 2 Meet other future spouses. When her husband refused, she said that she convinced and allowed her husband for second marriage. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). His actions went against the traditional practice of asking for her permission and mediating until a solution is found, but legally he was within his rights. Table 2: Frequency of co-wives for jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness and sharing household chores as consequences of polygamous marriages (N=11). My wife and I were happy there was absolutely nothing wrong with our marriage. Instituting change for women in a male-dominated society is a daunting task; however, it is essential. Miss Nadia was the 2nd wife of Mr. Imam. Yet even though we have gallopped past our twentieth year of marriage, I am still considered The Second One by certain of our acquaintances. The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. In the long run, it is usually the second wife who is accepting of polygamy. But that doesnt mean that they arent a little wounded. It protects the families from contracting sexually transmitted diseases and possible deviation to an illegal sexual association [3]. Hed moved from mining to owning a taxi business. Incidentally, polygamy is illegal for non-Muslims according to Federal law but is allowed for Muslim men under Sharia Law. She was very much disturbed and afraid of losing her husband. After the wedding they all moved into a bigger house with cottages at the back for the children. Mrs. Abdullah also told though they have minor disputes among co-wives still they help each other. Whats not typically expected is becoming a second wife. Yet we have to shake off the stigma attached to being The Second Wife and say, with a smile, Yes indeed, Im his second wife. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. As of early 1842, Brigham Young was a contented monogamist. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. Since this is nobody's tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. I live in a rented flat and pay half the rent. My mother is a retired teacher and my dad could never keep a job, so she supported us. The purpose of this study is to investigate married womens experiences in polygamous marriages and their ways of coping to accept this relationship. After her husbands second marriage she said, I moved to a separate household, to me, it works best because I dont have to see her (co-wife) come into the house to visit my husband. Why is it higher the second time around? They adhere to the rules that all three of us set for them, like normal children. Zakhele walks in with his youngest brother, Thembekile*, 2, in his arms. 1. In most cases the husband will go back to the wife and apologise after his elders have spoken to him. In the normal course of events theres no need for formal structures in polygamous relationships as the wives usually work most things out for themselves, he says. I would also like to add that polygamy is not a staple in Islamic culture, nor is it a tradition. 2008; 42(2), 103-117. She was blended with her husband by love marriage. She said "first wife of my husband always get more privilege than me." The co-wives were approached from their homes. Challenges of Polygamy Partiality of husbands: this is where. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." , each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. All are located in new apartment buildings in good neighborhoods; their total value is about $5 million. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. I told her that if it was going to make her unhappy I would forget about the whole idea. In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Psychosocial and familial functioning of children from polygynous and monogamous families. I knew society is very cruel and it would be very tough for me to bring up them without father." These reasons are in line to some extent with the current outcomes as infertility and having only female children was also one of the major factors for polygamous marriage. She believed that by allowing for a co-wife, she too would be blessed to have a child. Im raising my son to be a responsible man who will not look down on women, like my father does, she says. A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends? Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. But when a man marries for the second time he knows what he's getting into. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. The study findings may be inconsistent with the previous one except for the religious factor due to cultural differences. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". She told her a tragic story. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. READ MORE:Surviving a polygamous marriage. With over 100k combined users in countries around the world (including 2,000 active users in Canada), Chaiwala's latest move is to launch a Google Play app for SecondWife.com, to bring polygamy . Journal of Moral Philosophy. Al-Sharfi M, Pfeffer K, Miller KA. However, on appeal the. We have an ordinary life. 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? They are sister wives, which means they have a friendship as well. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. Khazuyeva also has two parking spaces in an apartment building on Moscow's Mosfilmovskaya Street. Treating me with the resentment of a union official watching a house being constructed with non-union labor, my erstwhile friend watched me build up and remodel my life. A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. Ja, I like these young ones, Lillian interrupts and they all laugh. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. In the current study, co-wives reported several negative consequences of polygamy such as jealousy, lack of trust, unhappiness, loneliness, unequal financial division, and social privileges among the multiple wives those are consistent with previous studies conducted in UAE, Kuwait, Egypt, Jordan, the Gaza Strip, Arabs in Israel, Palestine, and Turkey which point out that the wives in polygamous marriages have reportedly more psychosocial, familial and economic problems compared to their counterparts from monogamous families [16-20]. I never expected to be a second wife. The questions were translated into English according to the needs of international journal. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. Polygamy as sort of status symbol. Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. And it can get particularly difficult when it comes to discipline. Even if children are more or less accepting, the ex more than likely wont be ok with the new person in their childs life. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. Not many people like a second wife. I was so sad and heartbroken to the point of not speaking to him for three days! After calming down Lillian communicated her feelings and concerns to Thamsanqa, and he explained his point of view. It is an option. Mrs. Tanveer was 39 years old lady. Between birth and death: Female infanticide in nineteenth-century China. That tends to bring with it even more debt and insecurities. 2. Only 11 of the 26 women agreed to participate in the study. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. I will make another video using your. King MT. No, it is illegal.Under Section 494 of the Indian Penal Code, if a person marries a second time, without a divorce, while their spouse is alive, the marriage is considered bigamy, which is a punishable offense. However later on she has also accepted co-wife because of infertility and destiny. The outcomes of polygamous marriages have also been seen. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. Life as a co-wife wasn't easy for Cecilia; she started being mistreated by the second wife. "If you are the second or third or fourth wife, that marital relationship is not going to be recognized for immigration purposes. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. When she asked her husband, he refused to accept it. They often include not-so-subtle warnings about what's to come, designed to keep you strong and united in the face of conflict, change, hardship, kids. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. Tabi MM, Doster C, Cheney T. A qualitative study of women in polygynous marriages. 2009; 103(1): 17-29. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry ISSN: 2231-7805 (In Print)E-ISSN But thats not how it works out for everyone. They dream big. He might marry a second wife before his divorce is complete, for example. Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. She was married to Mr. Imam due to family pressure when he had already a wife with 2 children. Of importance is the need to disseminate the findings of studies like this one to those who are in a position to make change a reality. But in Pakistan and Iran, only consent is required from the first wife and need to show it in the court as proof for the second wife. But then came Thamsanqas shattering statement. Thus, two things relating to marriage have affected the overall percentage of the population who find polygamy acceptable: more unmarried people in the population, and the fact that these. Few helped financially in return for child-rearing to the senior wives. To find out the reasons for multiple spouses by men. There was a higher prevalence of somatization, depression, anxiety, hostility, paranoid ideation, psychoticism, general symptom severity, positive symptoms total, and psychiatric disorder, as well as lower ratings of life and marital satisfaction, family functioning, and self-esteem among polygamous wives [ 12 ]. Mrs. Kamal was also a childless first wife from the past 6-8 years and she accepted a co-wife rather than divorce. She was divorced from her second husband because of infertility and the first time her husband died of an illness. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. Divorce can be an expensive proposition. His first marriage counted. Table 1: Frequency of co-wives for infertility, only female children, love marriage and family pressure as reasons of polygamous marriages (n=11). I was 14 when mom and dad told us Mam Thembi would be our second mother.
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